Have you ever been waiting for God to do something and it’s taking everything you have to stay in faith? We truly believe that God is going to show up but in typical God fashion, His timing is not the same as ours. So you wait, and wait, and wait. Sometimes waiting can be paralyzing. Did you hear God right? Did you hear Him at all? Are you missing out on something else while you’re sitting around waiting? If you do something while you’re waiting does it negate your faith? Say you’re battling sickness and you know God can heal you and you’ve asked Him to do just that and you are standing in faith for healing so you decide to not go see a doctor or take medication because you’re waiting in faith. Maybe you feel that a certain job is meant to be yours but the call with a job offer is taking much longer than you anticipated so you turn down other job offers and stop looking altogether because you’re waiting in faith. I’m sure there are lots of examples that could fit here, these are just two that I am personally familiar with. The waiting paralyzes you because you don’t want to be faithless. Does taking medicine make you faithless? Does continuing to look for a job when you have none? I don’t think so.
We are living in the waiting room right now. And each day that goes by and we don’t get called out of the waiting room is torture. Every morning I wake up with the hope that today will be the day and so far every night I’ve gone to bed disappointed and trying to fan the flame of hope remembering that tomorrow is a new day. I don’t just believe that God’s plan is being laid out, I know it. I know it because I know my God and He hasn’t abandoned us yet and He certainly isn’t going to start now. But there are negative things that are going to happen in our lives if we don’t have something happen now. So yesterday morning I pulled out my computer and I began filling out all the paperwork for assistance. Health insurance for the uninsured, food benefits for the financially disadvantaged. It. Is. Awful. I fully expected God to have taken care of our situation by now so that it wouldn’t come to this. But we’re still in the waiting room. And while we’re here we’re going to do what we know we can to be able to keep moving forward and taking care of our family. If we make a misstep I believe with all my heart that God will make it clear and He will stop us. He loves us too much to allow us to keep walking down a path that is destructive without a Holy Spirit urging to stop.
Is there something wrong with my faith? I don’t think so, but even if it’s somehow broken I’m promised in 2 Timothy 2:13 that
If we are faithless, He remains faithful.
Sure, I have moments where doubt gets the best of me, but that doesn’t set off an alarm in heaven that halts all production on God’s perfect plan. God is continually at work on my behalf and yours. I don’t know why things are not playing out the way I expected but I do know that God will work it all together for my good and His glory. Does that mean I’m happy about it? Nope. I’m really not. I’m weary from fighting off fear and a heart heavy with fear and confusion and pain is exhausting to carry.
I am daily having to take my wounded heart to Jesus, sometimes multiple times a day (or hour). If I’m completely honest, it doesn’t produce an instantaneous spring in my step and smile on my face. But it does calm my fears and quiet the voices that demand attention. Even when I’m standing in faith and loving Jesus, it still hurts. I stand and lead worship with my heart breaking as the words and actions of those we thought loved us play in my head. But as I sing and I lift my head and hands to the Healer, for a moment there is nothing else. Humankind (or humancruel whichever the case may be) fades and it’s just me and my King. For that moment when my heart touches His, reality fades and I am healed just a little bit more. Hope is given a little more room to breathe and peace washes away the dirty residue of fear. Oh to learn to live in that place.
Are you also pacing the waiting room floor? I really think the best thing we can do is to keep believing, keep pressing on, listen for the Holy Spirit to guide our steps and through all of it – worship Him.